Hi all I feel a little embarassed posting my personal problems on here but I have noticed that you guys give a lot of useful help and dont beat about the bush!

Anyway i've been 'seeing' a guy for about 2 years nowbut its been on/off he has a baby mother and although he swears blind they are not together, he is afraid of commiting as he is scaredthat she might stop him seeing his son! I half belive him as I know how some babymothers can be but at the same timeif he reallywanted to be with me he would.

Anyway I have tried to lock him off many times e.g. telling him Icant see him as its f**kingup my head, I even changedmy number but we always manage to get into contact again. I never ring him but he rings me quite often wanting to take me out and to just chill. I know that some of you guys might think he is using me for sex ( I read the booty call thread!) but we dont have sex as he understands that it will make me feel used and he does not want to make me feel that way. He says he would be happy to just spend time with me. However we went to the cinema at the weekend and had sex for the first time in months ( which is quite long considering we see each other often) . he did not put any presure on me but it feltright and i thought i knew what i was doing! Now I feel like i am back to square 1.

IREALLY like this guy he is very sexy, funny and intelligent.The bottom line is that I cant stop thinking about him and it is driving me crazy.

I met this guy who is really nice and my friends think he is great and even more attractive then this other guy but i just dont fancy him, and think its cruel stringing him along!!!

Has anybody else been in this predicament? What should I do?:?

Thanks

Start seeing other people and stop being open to him every time he calls. Say no sometimes. And tell him how this stringing you along is hurting you, and you need to know what it is you guys are doing. If you are just friends cut the benefits and get a new man. If he wants you solely, then he needs to tell you that and his action should follow accordingly. As far as the thinking about him only time will stop that.

Chocolate Girl; Ok heart to heart now ok...I could start by telling you he's no good, and that he is using you despite not much booty call going on... however i suspect it would fall on deaf ears..

So my point to you will simply be this, LOVE is not enough, even if we feel love for someone.. It doesn't naturally follow that we should either be with them or that they are GOOD for us.. I believe you can love someone, but that someone is BAD for you.. I believe that some relationship can be destructive emotionally and physically..

I believe you are in a destructive relationship, you know it, I know it and and every reader..reading your thoughts know it. yet you choose to ignore the obvious because you somehow think that LOVE will conquer all. So here's the 64 million dollar question.. WHY hasn't love prevailed thus far? Why?

I believe it is because it is NOT meant to be between you too, if it was I tell you now as a man.. He would have moved heaven and earth to make it happen, to be with you.. If he was so sure he would walk through fire to get you and be with you, because thats how we roll.. If you believed he was the one, you wouldn't be on Blacknet asking stupid questions to a situation you ALREADY know the answer to..

You family have told you the truth, Your friends have told you the truth, yet still you are still running around in the hope that someone somewhere will tell you a version that will fit you fantasy.. Sorry luv, but you're deluded and you're decieving only you're self..

Do what you KNOw you should have done from time and MOVE ON!! it's time to cut him loose and move on to the next adventure.. However if you choose as i suspect you will, to ignore this advice.. What i advise is that you go to the Tatoo shop and have the words 'W-E-L-C-O-M-E' tatooed on your back, then lie down at the front door and just let him wipe his feet all over you.. but when he does SHUT you're mout' and don't bitch to him or to us ok accept your decision and LIVE with it bye!!!

@idontknowhyino : its obvious that me calling him is not enough for him to get the message, if i stoped being so open to him he will soon get bored and will not call me as much and then give me a chance to move on and clear my head.

@kunjufu: while i appreciate you taking the time out to respond i do not think you read my post properly. I never said i loved him and i'm not looking for the 'truth'. I know we cant be together as if it was ment to be we would have been together by now, as I have told him when heasked me in the past. You were right about it being destructive thats why I want to get out of the cycle as it is going nowhere.

MyOP was asking for advice on trying to get over someone or a peperspective from someone who had been in a simular situation. I dont see that as being a stupid question as i'm surethere are a few people whohave felt this way about someone at some stage.

Move on.

Severe all ties with him.

It's a slow and painful thing which has to be hard.

People these days want things to be tooeasy.

Chocolate girl: with all due respect, it is a 'stupid question' because I'm quite sure we arwe NOT the first people4 you have approached.. I also convinced that you you are quite clear what you need to do.. Yet you persist in this charade of seeking 'help'..Oh come on please do you seriously think that this is 'new'..

FACT is if you don't 'love' this guy why are we here, why are you here and why in the hell is this even a discussion? Sorry but you are deluded and clearly in denial...like i said go to a tatoo parlour and get it done!!?

Sorry love... but is he gonna never...like... have a relationship until the child is like... 12/13? (Sighs) I know that from your point of view you get your feelings caught up in making a decision about this, coz it’s your life... but tell him not to be weak. I think that it is highly unlikely someone is not going to have a love life just because of a ‘baby mother on their back’. Are you sure he is not gettin' his "Spring an' ting' elsewhere? Sorry babes, got to think like that... 'pro-active' rather than 'reactive'. If he actually cares about how she feels, and the like, I’m sure he must havve some ‘liccle ting wit ‘er’. Please be the wiser, I know these are your feelings, your life and relationship but... what you WANT is not always what you NEED e,g, I would love to sit around eating fried chicken and chocolate cake for every meal... but if I did... my ass wouldn’t be as fine as it niceone.gif . I want it... but I don't NEED IT. ....... ....... ........ ....... ...... ........ ...... ...... ..... ...... ...... ......... ....... ....... ....... ...... ......... ...... ..... These days you really have to toughen up and get real... you have to combine common sense,strength and sometimes, even be cold...like a ROCK and make the right decision...in this "dog eat dog, I want, I want, I want' world ... coz chilvary, being a gentleman and morals etc is just fading away and is ‘so OPTIONAL’ these days.... guys I’ve seen ...wanting girls to give them the world, just coz they bought them dinner... I mean.... what is that? (Kiss teeth). I can see you like him, but don’t bust your arse over someone who may be lying to you and trying to pull cotton wool over your eyes... If the friendship i sthere,. keep it and move on. ....... ........ ....... ....... ....... ....... ......... ...... . Yes my girl, another trick certain members of the opposite sex might try is ‘wearing you down’ until you give in... the lengths that men will go to to get sex is shameful... they'll act passive, docile and 'friendship' like ...but TRUUUUUUUUUST, INSIDE... they are waiting and waiting.... resillience is the key... but no matter how shameful they act....it IS ALWAYS AT YOUR EXPENSE and YOU are the one who will get talked about in the end. Be strong. Step outside the circle... assess the situation. You are young and do you want to look back on your life with a period of someone stringin’ you along? I wouldn’t. But that’s me. I personally, can’t see all the stuff that goes on around me and then waste too much time with men that aren't for real... learn from other people’s mistakes... fair do’s... not everyone’s situation is the same, especially the people involved, but you have to look out for your ‘emotional health’... no one else will. You need to start calling the shots...you know the saying that “YOU tell people how to treat you.................�. Like someone already said, start saying no... resist.. be disciplined... “Life isn’t all “He-he ha-ha� you know. LOL. There will be repercussions...BELIEVE... we take each day for granted , time passes quick, but when you look back on things... a story unfolds... and you may seriously regret it. . ....... ....... ........ ....... ....... ...... ...... ...... ...... ....... ..... ...... ..... ....... .... ...... ...... ...... ...... ........ Oh yes... you say you were looking for someone who has been in a similar situation.... ..... NO MAN has EVER f%!£ed ME around... I wear the trousers... but they don’t know it. Watch them. L8terz chocolate.

Oh for pity sake, the man is *JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU*

Get it?? Jeeez, hun, how did you get involved with someone for TWO years and call it *we kind of have been seing* each other for two years??Hello?? two years??

I mean what happened to thinking of your feelings and respecting yourself to know that after 3 months if you are still standing and asking yourself where YOU stand, then aurevoir.....confused3

There is no simple remedies or advice as you call it to get over him, JUST cut off all contact and listen to your mates and family....move on....jeeez, u r not the first to be hurting you know.

Lol, i get dumped all the time because i am too stuborn and really don't like waiting around....so walk away whilst you still have something called *respect* left!

If you are too sad, the gym always does wonders for the blues....and u never know, u might gain some fit abs too

[suB]Abeg gurl forget this baby mama thing.they are a lot of guys out there.i mean good and loving ones..who still deserve some one like u....Bcos baby mama stuffs comes with a lot of attachment dat i dont think can deal with....[/suB]

[suB]Like :[/suB]

[suB]His baby calling him 12am,dat junior needs this and dat[/suB]

[suB]That she's gonna be going out and needs to bring junior over[/suB]

[suB]stuffs like dat..i know u wont wanna baby sit with no one when u are suppose to be on a date with him[/suB]

[suB][/suB]

Gurl, try not to beat yourself up over this situation. Yes myself Havebeen- or should i say Am in a perdicument just like yours. However, the way i see it is, if your concious is telling you that you dont need to be with him more than it is telling you that it is okay, then you shouldnt be with him at all. When he calls you, DONT ANSWER, i know this is sooOO easy to say and hard to do, but im going through the same thing as you, If he really wants to be with you, he will most definately make a change in his "program" and if he doesnt, then he wasnt meant for you anyway...

well if u like dis guy then go for it. tell de guy dat he should talk 2 his baby mother and sort de problem once and 4 all i can understand ur situation cos am going out with a guy who have children but de mother of de children would not let him see de children unless he is ready 4 comittement but he choose to be out of de relationaship although he doesn't c his children he know dat one day wen dey are grown up dey would understand and he will c dem. wat am trying 2 say is dat ur man should choose wat make him happy and if u guys are happy 2gether den go 4 it life is 2 short 2 waste.

so what av u dun about da situation so far? im a babymom been wid my babyfarda 4yrs &he still wont settle or commit. i dnt think men grow up till there like 30 dem kinda ages. best thing 2 do is move on change ur no. & dnt answer his calls, if he loves you, he'll make sacrifice 4 you & if ur meant 2 be 2gether u will be. at da mo dis mans on sum long ting tekka, get on wid ur young fun life- dats wot im lookin 2 do!!! good luck x