I have a friend who is battling stage iv cancer, its really breaking my heart to watch her go through this illness - the doctors have given up on her but she is a fighter and has a strong christian base. She has had to give up work and has a small baby. She is in pain a lot and very depressed most times. Has anyonehad any success offering support in this instance, please help.

Sorry to hear this Footprints. I dont have any experiences to share but I do wish her well.

blessingfromgod wrote:
Thank you BFG, this girl is the closest I have ever had to sister and I am just not ready to let her go...I wonder where I can refer her to for help, because she refuses to talk to anyone about what she is going through including her husband...she puts on a brave face for everyone but I can see through her, she has lost massive weight and she says she hardly sleeps because she is scared to die and leave her little baby. She is the nicest person ever, I dont know how this illness silently creeped on her, she was a vegetarian and an aerobic queen - not to mention drop dead gorgeouslooks - now all that is left is waif of size zero. I have accompanied her many times to christian crusades where they pray for healing - and I have seen a few improvements ( this has even suprised the doctors, because they initially told her nothing could save her). I am really feeling helpless, I wish I could carry some of her pain. I have sent her some literature of encouragement but with the chemotherapy, she is not always strong enough to read it, because her little strength is spent on her baby ( a baby she is severly attached to, I have been turned down so many times to babysit). Life is so unpredictable she has all these dreams to become a fashion designer she is really creative and all, but has lost that spark and inspiration - though a part of her is fighting to stay alive and positive another very active part seems to be anticipating this death because those stupid doctors only ever tell her the worst news, I dont know if other black people can relate to the treatment the doctors dish out to black patients. Her immediate family seem to be avioding this topic and dont really talk about it, I think they find it too difficult or it is some taboo to talk about terminal illness, I really dont know. If peeps could PM me/ openly postany links or information, I would really appreciate this.

Footprints it sounds as if you are a great friend and i am sure that your friend appreciates what you have been doing for her already.
I am sorry to read that your friend is going through all this. I hope that she can recover from this.
Maybe you could try giving NHS direct a call or emailing them to ask them if they could recommend any support networks in your area?
http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/contact/

They say that you never know who your real friends are, until your back is against the wall. Your friend is in a very dark place - and you are a star that shines in the darkness. A friend like yourself, is more valuable than the most precious diamond.

You must continue to be strong for her. This means being there when she needs you - trying to answer any questions she has and being available when she wants to talk. It also means knowing when to give her space and time to contemplate. Facing death is often the most lonely time in a person's life cycle. Your friend's family sound as if they are in denial. This is understandable - people often deny reality when it is too painfull to face. However, having you by her side and her baby in good health, will bring tremendous comfort - even if this isn't openly apparent.

The reason that she often refuses offers to babysit her child is simple. She knows that time grows short and that every moment spent with the baby is an important bonding experience.

You are a good person. I know from experience that there will be times when you will doubt yourself. You may feel helpless, guilty and even the desire to run away from the pain. This is completely natural. All that matters is that you remain by your friend's side as much as you can. The rest cannot be controlled - only coped with.

If the worst should happen, just remember that your friend's life was not in vain. A beautiful baby has resulted from her time on this earth - and her legacy will contunue long after her body is layed to rest. But until the end, try to remain as positive as possible - sometimes recoveries can occur.

Whatever happens, absolution is always a relief when it comes. Time will heal the rest.

Good luck.

p.s If your friend does not object - I would strongly recommend taking photographs/video footage of her with the baby. Recording those happy moments will bring immense joy when the child is older.

Thank you so much for your thoughts oblivion.