I am the youngest at 25 of a family consisting offive brothers and sistersthe eldest sister whois 37 then my brother 35, mynext brother is 34 and sister 32. Because of the age gap my eldest sister has been like a parent to meso I have a certain respect for her. She has always been the leader of the family and along with my parents makes familydecisions. She has her own family now as do the rest of my family except my brother of 34 who still lives with my parents.lately things seem to have changed when we get together at my parents. Myself and my sister of 32have degrees and are professionals we always feel tension when we all get together. My eldest sister who is not working now because she has problems with her knee so she gets disability allowance my other brother of 35 has been in and out of prison and my brother of 34 makes sofasat a nearby factory. My sister of 32 has her own property business and I work inIT but we see ourselves on the same level as our other brothers and sisters. But every time I go to my parents I hear comments like where did we get you from or comments to try and cause conflict to break me down and to remind me their still the eldest hence their on top. Subliminal comments are often used like they might be talking amongst each other and i'll hear "you know he thinks his better than everyone else". The worst is that they are now talking about me and my sister to other people of similar status in the area ie at thebarbers so when we see these people they give us bad looks. I feel I am being attacked everywhere my neighbour advises me to completly leave the area if I am to better myself or I am going to get broken down.Their behaviour is rather irratic and uncivilised in the sense they always talk about who beat up this person or that person and who's driving this andwho's just bought that.I feel I can no longer converse with them and the problem is the gap is widening to the pointmy sister of 32 no longer goes to my parents house. I feel I am losing my brothers and sisters and i am turning into an introvert in their company but I know I don't want to go backwards which will happen if I'm to to mix by trying to"fitting in" and if I be myself i'm seen as a threat, they refer to me as white bwoy ie goo way you are idiot white bwoyand people in the area are refering to me as bounty when I know i'm not. The thing is I have a certain kind of respect for my elder brothers and sisters and find it difficult to stand up to them but the thing is i'm getting older and I feel they need to start respecting me.

@Urbanchaos.

Nothing absolutely nothing you say is new to me. I come from a large family and large families as well as having many positives like all things have negatives. Jealousy and sibbling rivalry goes right back to Cain and Able and further.

The great Emperor Shaka killed his elder half brother to get the throne and was killed in turn by his half brothers brothers, for the wrong he did. This is life my brother and found in every people on the planet. Every culture you can name.

In fact psychologist say it is much worse when the family is very small. When bigger like ours they form tribes and small factions, based on common hostility or jealousy against some other.

I am an eldest brother of threee generations of elder brothers and my son makes four. That fact alone is enough to piss certain members of my large family off right there on that fact alone. Before I open my mouth and aggravate it further. Now if I was a drunk, an idiot, or a man with women all round the place breeding like a rabbit, that would be cause of celebration in sections of my family. Not one second doubt about that. As this is family life and human behaviour.

You can be the centre of hostility if an elder sibbling and "successful",by family standards, or the youngest. It makes no difference as the root is exactly the same. Some have talent and ambition and others not and it has nothing to do with age, but personality and character.

I have younger cousins who are exactly in your position with some of their elders, which makes it ever worse when I select them or encourage our elders to give them imporant responsibilities over their older brothers and sisters. But that is life and life must and always goes on.

Look at celeberity magaizines and stories they love to dig up often using family members to dish the dirt on well know people. Largely through greed and jealousy. In too many cases these family members played little role in giving any assistance to these people who were struggling to make it and suddenly when they get big, they crawl out of the woodwork, to get paid one way or another. Common story my brother.

So there is nothing new or unique to you or your experience. Whether we like it or not. We live in the social world both outside and within the family.

But whether we like it or not if somebody does things which is admired by society or the family eg working hard, studying and achieving, or make money for the family is the same thing that will upset another family member,who not only has not been successful, but may lack ambition etc. Hence the irrational nature of these things.

Sometimes it has nothing to do with achievement but personal qualities. Some children are fare more loving and giving to their families and gain a special postion in the mind and heart of others. Others are primarily takers and very resentful givers. That is life.

In big families you may give an old aunt money to send her on a dream holiday, for a life time service and that has to be kept quiet, because it will upset others who don't give shit even when they have had plenty.

I know families where two brothers hung on street chasing dead end girls and more concerned about how many girls they could screw. Now they want to diss their brothers who did not and made something of their lives and bring honour to the family and parents in particular, and has a intelligent and bueatiful black wife. Life is a bitch like that..

Sometimes these people are so insecure it has nothing to do with anything you have said or done, but simply hearing good things about you, and not them, really pissess them off and makes them jealous. I doubt it is the case of you dissing them as the age difference is big and most elder brothers are not going to tolerate that.

Everything you have mentioned eg digging up old and irrelevent stuff about when you were a kid to embarras or put you in your place is all old and tired moves, for people desperately looking for status. So is the dirty moves of going outside the family.

I know many cases where people are so desperate they would go to the devil and say untruths on their kin, such is the desire to undermine them. In fact if there is a negative rumour they will run to advertise and promote it. Sad people do sad things. The joke is this even the people they want to bring this news too who eat it up, actually look down on them for what they are.

Dissing your own blood like that is never respected even by people who enjoy the dirt being dished. It is a desperate an attempt to gain support. Sisters do it to each other, when one has a good man and the other attracts punks..

While you maybe very hurt and shocked by what you have experienced, take it as a life experience. Moreover, and one of the things I love about large families is this. You have a wonderful elder sister from what you have said and others who you are at one with and who you can commune with.

You are not tied to the abuse of your elder sibblings neither do you have to accept it passively and can choose to act positively and get closer to the family who accept you with willing and open arms.

You don't have to go anywhere unless you want to. You like your area, you stay there. Your brothers etc will grow up in their own time, as old as they are or they will not. That is not your decision or problem. Your family will not die or simply fade away, as you are loved and embraced by those who value you. The others will grow up or end up old bitter people, still looking for scapegoats to hang their
"bad luck".

Peace Out

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