How Much do you Trust your partner?

Soulstarr · (#1 (**permalink**))

I'm asking because recently, I've discovered that I trust my partner a whole lot more than a lot of people Iknow.

I have a friend who has a serious lack of trust for her partner and the feeling is mutual on his part. If one finds out that the other has spoken to a member of the opposite sex, world war three breaks out. An example of this is that he made friends with a girl in has class at uni but because they wern't actually working on a project, she flipped out on him.
I was at dinner with a cousin i hadn't seen for a long time recently and she was shocked to hear that my partner is perfectly comfortable with me being quite close with my ex cos her boyfriend "doesn't like things like that".

I'm not sure if the essence of what I'm saying is really comming across here but the bottom line is that there is no point in being in a relationship without trust. I make the choice to trust my partner 100%. if I felt i could only thrust him 99%, then that would not be good enough for me. Maybe i'm just naive or to arrogant to think that anything suspicous would ever happen. confused3

So back to my original question, How much do you trust your partner? or should you always leave that small percentage for doubt?

En Sabah Nur · (#2 (**permalink**))

You are quite right in your state of mind and your relationship seems healthy.

Doubt is not necessary. After an initial understandable period of caution and getting to know one another, two people together have to put doubts and insecurities behind them for these are the cracks that can bring down a wall of unity.

I like how you seem confident. It's not arrogance at all. It's maturity. You are more likely to experience a stonger relationship in the moment it's happening that one who is watchful and wary constantly.

Even though you may be burned (I hope not) but these things happen, the point is that you enjoyed the relationship while you were in it and did not spend the whole time worrying about negative what ifs.

Shemsi en Tehuti · (#3 (**permalink**))

Soulstarr wrote:

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I was at dinner with a cousin i hadn't seen for a long time recently and she was shocked to hear that my partner is perfectly comfortable with me being quite close with my ex cos her boyfriend "doesn't like things like that".

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Uuuhhh...I don't know if I could let my girl friend kick it with her ex. They say that half of all cheating partners cheat with someone that they used to be with. Part of the reason for that is old feelings could be there, so why even allow old feelings to resurface? If it is just any other guy friend, I wouldn't care.

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--Thoth B3

En Sabah Nur · (#4 (**permalink**))

Thoth

You are right. Being secure doesn't mean you should ignore off key behaviour. Dinner with the ex is certainly off key.

Soulstarr · (#5 (**permalink**))

Thoth B3 wrote:

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Soulstarr wrote:

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I was at dinner with a cousin i hadn't seen for a long time recently and she was shocked to hear that my partner is perfectly comfortable with me being quite close with my ex cos her boyfriend "doesn't like things like that".

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Uuuhhh...I don't know if I could let my girl friend kick it with her ex. They say that half of all cheating partners cheat with someone that they used to be with. Part of the reason for that is old feelings could be there, so why even allow old feelings to resurface? If it is just any other guy friend, I wouldn't care.

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--Thoth B3

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You missunderstand me. I've never gone out and had dinner with an ex. But I talk to them regularly because with both of them, they were my friends first. I see no reason to lock off a friendship with someone just because a relationship didn't work out with them.

Shemsi en Tehuti · (#6 (**permalink**))

Soulstarr wrote:

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You missunderstand me. I've never gone out and had dinner with an ex. But I talk to them regularly because with both of them, they were my friends first. I see no reason to lock off a friendship with someone just because a relationship didn't work out with them.

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I see, understood...and I would imaginea very big relief to your significant other.

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--Thoth B3

Backatya · (#7 (**permalink**))

Soulstarr wrote:

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an ex. But I talk to them regularly because with both of them, they were my friends first. I see no reason to lock off a friendship with someone just because a relationship didn't work out with them.

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I agree. If it is possible to have a good friendship out of the aftermath of a broken romance, why not? Better than having only betterness and regret as the only thing to hang on to.

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As for the how much you trust your partner. For me it's either you trust them or you don't. The concept of 'partial trust' seems an oddity to me, because that means you have reservations about their loyality to you. If you are with someone who you don't feel you can rely on to be loyal then that can't be a relationship that's going to be good in the long run.

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Trusting my partner means that I don't even contemplate that she would be unfaithful. If it transpires (from real evidence) that she has then that situation would have to be dealt with, but I am certainly not going to walk around with the thought in the back of my head that she could be. What good does that serve other than to make me miserable and stressed - and probably drive my chocolate bill through the roof.

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Respect