Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"
Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.




"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."
Mariah Carey




"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,"
Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.



"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett,


"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
Mayor Marion Barry, Washington



"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."
Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.


"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
A congressional candidate inTexas



"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark



"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
Al Gore, Vice President



"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
clean air do we need ?"
Lee Iacocca



"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people."
Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.


"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
Bill Clinton, President


"Traditionally, most of Australias imports come from overseas."
Keppel Enderbery



"Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that
you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
Department of Social Services, Greeville South Carolina
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Humans are intelligent my arse... look what this german dude did to his pet bunny







Seriously... WTF??

It's animal abuse it what it is...

(31 August 1995, Egypt) Six people drowned Monday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18 year old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled him down, police said his sister and two brothers, none of whom could swim well, went in one by one to help him, but also drowned. Two elderly farmers then came to help. But they apparently were pulled by the same undercurrent. The bodies of the six were later pulled out of the well in the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 miles south of Cairo. The chicken was also pulled out. It survived.



(Late 1989s, Australia) A rather impressionable student of kung fu listened with rapt attention when his instructor dramatically informed the class, "Now that you have reached this level in your training, you can kill wild animals with your bare hands!"

The martial arts trainee took the statement as gospel, and headed to the Melbourne zoo to test his mettle with the wildest animal of all: the lion. In the dead of night, he slipped into the zoo, leapt into the lion enclosure, and engaged a suitable king of the jungle in combat.

He would probably have lost a one-on-one fight, but he never got to try. His naive fight plan didn't account for the enthusiasm of the lion's pride for a tender intruder; nor did it give sufficient weight to the possibility that his instructor didn't know what the hell he was talking about.

Zoo employees found his remains -- two arms and hands -- the following morning, with shreds of red fur grasped tightly in his fingers.

The construction worker's insurance claim letter

I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient. I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80 foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now un-needed tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using a pulley, which was fortunately attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the 300 pounds of tools. You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh only 155 pounds. Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40 foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40 foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, and the lacerations of my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools and, fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope . . .