Pensioner abuse full story here..

I saw this story in the South London press last week and it got me wondering if many of us has ever considered what we would do if our parents become frail or to fragile cope by themselves...

Like it or not many of us above the age of 30 will have to comtemplate this question very soon...what to do with daddy or mummy...Yea i know many will give the PC response i will look after my parents... My response its easier said than done..

Your parents develop Alzheimer’s doesn't recognise you, consistently wanders off 24/7..trust me it will wear you down...Your parent become's imobile and needs tranfers on and off the toilet..worse they need you to wipe them clean back and front..it will get you down..

Worse your parent become doubly incontinent and just goes at anytime without warning...this by itself will limit yours and her life opportunities.. with medical advances improving by the day..its not unusual to be caring for someone for 10, 20 years in later life..

Then comes who is going to take charge, usually its the females of the family who get dumped with the responsibility, but even if its not..most us by this time will have our own children, homes and relationship to balance on top...

So here comes the hard part you decide to put your parent in a home and then you read the story above..how do you feel...how would you feel... Has anyone THOUGHT about what they would do when this time comes and it will for many of us in the Uk..

Its a question I've been dreading..luckily my mother moved BACK to JA..so I won't have to face this question..but what those not as lucky as me have you THOUGHT about it?

My mother won't be living in this country for much longer anyway and neither will I (hopefully).

But if circumstances changed and we were living here, I would have my mother move in with my family (if my home was large enough) and if I could afford it have live-in help. Of course that sounds simple and not always likely. I would dread to put my mother in a home and doubt that I would...I just cannot imagine myself doing that.

But at the same time I am aware that I am not a health professional and would have to sit down with doctors and my husband and discuss the best option(s). If a home ended up being the best choice I would hunt high and low for one close by, so that I could monitor my mother as much as possible....and if I can get away with it, surprise visits would be very frequent (to see how those ppl operate when they are least expecting me).

My mother didn't just dump me with any and everyone (if at all), the least I could do is afford her the same respect.

***I honestly wouldn't know what to do if I found out my mother had been abused or neglected in any way. I know I would feel awful and I would want to fight everyone. In that situation I would probably use my anger and tears to fight through the courts. Other than that I couldn't tell you...I just hope I never experience that.

My mother was quite ill and we had to nurse her up until her passing. That was an extremely hard time and it drains you physically, emotionally and mentally.....and there were a lot of us involved in caring! I also have an elderly uncle with Alzheimers but my aunt put him in a home because she was unable to look after him herself so I know how hard these circumstances can be.

In an ideal world every child would care for their aging/sick parent but there are just those who simply CANNOT cope with it. Some people just break down because they don't have the emotional strength to deal with it. If an individual feels the best course of action is to put their parent or relative in a home that's something I'll never judge them for.

What can you do?

There is help i would seek, but utlimately i will not abandon my parents when they need me, regardless of the sacrifice.

Man, this is one depressing thread.

The job of looking after mums shouldn't be down to one sole offspring.

This is why many africans have multiple children. The burden of looking after elderly is shared and becomes less harrowing.

This problem should be something that only affects white people, but alas..africans are starting to copy the white tradition...having 1 child or even worse remaining childless!

An old saying comes to mind -- 'you reap what you sow'.

Kunjufu....

I'm not being politically correct here, but I would never put my mother in a nursing home... she is a nurse now in a nursing home and I hear the stories that she tells me. She said that it is the saddest thing to see these people dumped and abandoned by their families.... the families would come and visit very frequently to start with and then as the weeks and months go by the visits become less and less, to the point where some only end up seeing their families on special occasions..

My mother worked too hard all of her life and for me to just dump her in a home, I couldn't do it... I understand that pressures of a very dependant parent can be very difficult, but I will have to be there for my mother.

The only illness that I would seriously have to think about is senile dementia... elderly people tend to harm themselves if left alone, and as I would probably be at work this would be a real concern....
I would have to look at getting some kind of care in to help... despite the costs.

My mother had an opportunity to send me and my siblings back home when we were little, but chose not to in the end and decided to struggle through and raise us. I feel obligated to do the same for her in time of need.

Kunjufu good topic......

Both of my parents are still way to young, but I did give a thought on this last month. I wrote this in my daily journal........This was sad historyto one of my mother's neighbor.......

Where were her children? She lived alone in a large house, only had a busy house on holiday seasons. Please don't do this to your parents. When they reach a certain age, its time to make sure they are taken care off. She was very old lady, This lady that lived few blocks away from my mother's home, dead yesterday. I went high school with two of her grandchildren. Although I did not know her very well, the few times I have met her, through her grand-children she wasvery able lady. Just of these older people that aged with love in their hearts. I have just learned that no one was there when she dead. Cops came before the family did, and next family said, they haven't seen anyone in the house for days.

I even heard the Cops, after she didn't answer next families calls.........had to make the call to her children(I dunno the #, large family, and I know two that live in MN).

Both of my parents, have already told us, to take them back home, to Somalia, to the cities they were born, and with the rest of the family and relatives............No way, would I take some one I love to nursery nor keep them here in the west.

Kunjufu, believe once you pass thirty these thoughts dwell on your brain more and more. I tend to be quite extreme in my views i.e black or white, hot or cold, yes or no, and when it comes to life, dead or alive. Forget thirty,in my late teens I always used to th