No relationship just friends with benefits.

Aryek · (#1 (**permalink**))

Have you ever been involved in this sort of arrangement? Would you? What are your views on friends with benefits?

Backatya · (#2 (**permalink**))

@ Aryek

Have you? Would you?

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Aryek · (#3 (**permalink**))

Backatya wrote:

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@ Aryek

Have you? Would you?

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Lol. No, no, not me. I'm too emotional to get myself into that sort of thing. It'd only end in disaster.

Soulstarr · (#4 (**permalink**))

Aryek wrote:

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Lol. No, no, not me. I'm too emotional to get myself into that sort of thing. It'd only end in disaster.

[suP]I'm exactly the same as you lol. but i think its an interesting question because I'm become aware of more and more people who are involved in these types of arrangements and it only ever seems to end in tears. Someone always ends up falling slightly deeper but thats just from the people I know.[/suP]

YankeeJamaRican · (#5 (**permalink**))

Been there, done that, got postcard, ended in tears.

I strongly advise against it, I cannot name ONE person I know who maintained it on even footing. In total agreement with the ladies above, one person always goes deeper in feeling.

It's the whole When Harry Met Sally debate... can a man and woman sleep together and keep it friendly?

NO WAY!

Soulstarr · (#6 (**permalink**))

Black_power wrote:

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women are too emotional to be letting someone get at em like like.

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Hm. Interesting.

Lucas... · (#7 (**permalink**))

guys usually can....
sleep with a woman... and its just that....
because sex isnt emotional.... to us...
excluding wife or lover...
.....

Backatya · (#8 (**permalink**))

Aryek wrote:

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Backatya wrote:

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@ Aryek

Have you? Would you?

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Lol. No, no, not me. I'm too emotional to get myself into that sort of thing. It'd only end in disaster.

You hit the nail on the head with that one word 'emotional'. These sort of 'arrangements' usually lead to problems because emotions do invariably play a part. People may start out saying, 'Yeah I can do the no-strings-attach thing', because their minds are locked on the 'fringe benefits' to come. However, once one, or both, of them realise that feelings manage to creep in along the road things start getting difficult.

It takes a certain raggedness of character to be able to handle getting all intimate with someone one minute and then casually talk about the weather asthough speaking to a work colleague the next, without something pulling on the old heart strings.

Come on, its hard to maintain a physical 'thing' without some emotional pull toward the person - Damn, people have evenbeen known todevelopfeelingsfor a jar of vaseline or a 'Minnie Twirler with Dual Speed'.

The point is that we tend to form attachments to things that 'make us feel good'. So if you are 'loving' your friend and enjoying it, the chances are that eventually you are gonna see it as more than mere 'fringe' benefits.

Respect

Aryek · (#9 (**permalink**))

Backatya wrote:

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Aryek wrote:

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Backatya wrote:

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@ Aryek

Have you? Would you?

Respect

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[line]

Lol. No, no, not me. I'm too emotional to get myself into that sort of thing. It'd only end in disaster.

You hit the nail on the head with that one word 'emotional'. These sort of 'arrangements' usually lead to problems because emotions do invariably play a part. People may start out saying, 'Yeah I can do the no-strings-attach thing', because their minds are locked on the 'fringe benefits' to come. However, once one, or both, of them realise that feelings manage to creep in along the road things start getting difficult.

It takes a certain raggedness of character to be able to handle getting all intimate with someone one minute and then casually talk about the weather asthough speaking to a work colleague the next, without something pulling on the old heart strings.

Come on, its hard to maintain a physical 'thing' without some emotional pull toward the person - Damn, people have evenbeen known todevelopfeelingsfor a jar of vaseline or a 'Minnie Twirler with Dual Speed'.

The point is that we tend to form attachments to things that 'make us feel good'. So if you are 'loving' your friend and enjoying it, the chances are that eventually you are gonna see it as more than mere 'fringe' benefits.

Respect

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That makes a lot of sense. I have known one person,a close friend of mine, whowas able to have these sorts of relationships withoutthings getting messy.She got a bad rap from some of my friendsbecause ofher lifestyle though, which I thought was unfair, and had to endsome of these arrangements because shestarted toget attached.

I don't have anything wrong with it, butfor me, Iknow myself well enough to know that it won't be worth it.

bubz · (#10 (**permalink**))

Backatya wrote:

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The point is that we tend to form attachments to things that 'make us feel good'. So if you are 'loving' your friend and enjoying it, the chances are that eventually you are gonna see it as more than mere 'fringe' benefits.

Respect

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i agree with a lot of whats been said but....

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.....what if the friendship is better than the sex - good as that sex may be? two sensible friends may well decide to drop the sex, especially if its a messy situation anyway.

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i think in that situation it could be quite easy to 'low the sex andgo backto straight up friendship with no 'benefits'. if its a real friendship to start with it will always come first over sex which is much easier to come by.

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if someone was already your friend, or already known to you in a friendly way before any sexual element crept in, you would already have formed an attachment like you do with all your friends (that person is a laugh or whatever and you enjoy their company, you click with them all in different ways maybe

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) - taking it to a sex level out of curiosity or whatever could just lead you back to realising you value the friendship more than anything and the sex is not great enough to consider jeopardising it. if the sexual attractionis so great and the friendship is also so great, chances are youmay wellend up a couple anyway.

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i dont think a few sessions of sex would neccessarily ruin a good friendship but it does all depend on the individuals involved.

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yes i have been involved in something like that.the sexpart fizzled out naturally when it became boring (no real emotions being involved affects the quality of the sex after a time) but the friendship continued for a number of years following that. it was more an off an on ting whenever it was convenient. we arent in touch now but there was no falling out or hard feelings.

facetygal · (#11 (**permalink**))

YankeeJamaRican wrote:

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Been there, done that, got postcard, ended in tears.

I strongly advise against it, I cannot name ONE person I know who maintained it on even footing. In total agreement with the ladies above, one person always goes deeper in feeling.

It's the whole When Harry Met Sally debate... can a man and woman sleep together and keep it friendly?

NO WAY!

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Yeah I went through that ish, it was a bag of drama at the time which lasted a couple of yrs still. Me and said dude don't do the bizness anymore, but we cool with each other and talk from time to time. I think the main thing is we both grown ups now and it was an experience I know I certainly learned from.