'I'd have stopped my son killing'
Tony Thomas, whose son killed schoolgirl Mary-Ann Leneghan, blames absent fathers for the rise in such violent crimes
Gaby Hinsliff , political editor
Sunday May 21, 2006
The Observer
Given that his son is behind bars for one of the most shocking murders of recent times, Tony Thomas may seem an unlikely champion for fathers' rights. But when he walked into a meeting of the divorced men's pressure group Families Need Fathers last week,
Thomas entered a bigger debate about not just modern parenthood but black parenthood as well.
He believes if he had been able to be a proper father to his son, Adrian, Thomas would not have become a drug dealer now sentenced to life for his part in the torture, rape and killing of the schoolgirl Mary-Ann Leneghan. He is urging other absent fathers to persevere at forging relationships with their children, particularly those living in the inner cities.
'We're losing our kids at a rate of knots and they're ending up in crime: then everyone's blaming us and saying we weren't there when we were there all the time,' he told The Observer. 'Black dads are the most alienated from their children. The legal system is not on any dad's side, but for us black guys our women are against us too.'
Thomas, who wants to set up a black parents division within Families Need Fathers, was struck by what the footballer Thierry Henry said about his father during recent pre-match interviews.
'[Henry] hasn't forgotten his mum, but the important thing for him was his dad. We are the negotiators between the family and the outside world,' Thomas said. 'Half these young boys haven't got a clue what being a man is. Their idea is to get a knife or a gun or a baseball bat and thrash it out over stupidness. I'm really passionate about black British kids.'
His comments follow fresh concern about urban knife culture following the fatal stabbing of teenager Kiyan Prince, but also a far more sensitive debate about fatherhood.
Trevor Phillips, chair of the Commission for Racial Equality, recently suggested that society shows 'scorn' for young black men who father children they never see. The BBC series Babyfathers, about young black men struggling with fatherhood, prompted anger over whether they were being stereotyped as serial abandoners of their children.
Patrick Augustus, who runs the Babyfather Alliance for young fathers, says that while negative labels are unfair, statistics show the odds are stacked against black fathers. 'As a black guy, you are more likely to go to jail for example; you are more likely to be in a mental institution; you are more likely to be homeless. So it's more difficult for you to be a father.'
Thomas, who has four grown-up children by different mothers, split from Adrian's mother when the boy was four. He admits he did not immediately seek contact. 'When I came out of that relationship, I was completely demoralised... It took me a while to build my strength back up before I could be visiting that house. That in itself caused some kind of estrangement.'
But he insists that friends kept tabs on his son for him and when Adrian got into trouble at primary school, he went to discuss it with the headmaster. He recalls the teacher looking amazed 'because she's mainly used to mums turning up to sort problems out'.
After that, he claims, he was shut out because his partner was his son's legal guardian. Although the two had contact in Adrian's teens, it was often casual meetings at friends' houses. The last time they met was in a fast food restaurant last February when he says his son was 'completely rude, completely disrespectful', and Thomas decided he had done what he could for him.
Then he heard that his son was wanted for murder - a killing, Thomas suggests, that need not have happened had he been a constant fatherly presence. 'By the time he was 10, I would have had him sorted out or I would have looked at all the help - social services, whatever. I would not be having him getting into guns and drugs.'
Adrian's mother, of course, may see it differently, but Thomas insists he never abandoned his son. 'I never had a dad, so I know what it feels like to watch your mates with their dads and feel maybe jealous. Do you think I really would have wanted my kids to have that?'
After the trial, he described his son as 'beyond saving'; they are not in contact. Could they ever be reconciled? 'I would never say it's too late, but at his age... he's really got to sit down and come to the conclusion himself.' Thomas wants other fathers to learn from his experience. 'My advice is don't give up on your children. It's an emotional rollercoaster, but keep going.'
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28-05-06, 12:08 PM
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When your kids are rebelling against you and they're on the street they're likely to get into things like these 
