IN THE HISTORY OF AVIATON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With the Hindenberg being the possible exception.

I'm not kiddding guys when I tell you I thought I was a gonna,either I was gonna have a heart-attack or the plane was gonna crash,whichever came first.


I'll relay the stories and you can tell me if you think im overeacting or maybe m just a wuss/pussy..whichever adjective you prefer.


First flight.........


from JFK to Heathrow.

Now I ALWAYS,ALWAYS fly British Airways,just coz I trust that their pilots and cabin crew know what the **** they are doing,ive never experienced them not being on top of their game,but these last couple of experiences have given me pause.


Ok,so the flight was delayed by an hour,no biggie,but what usually happens in these cases is that the pilots make up the time and the sky and we still get to said destination on schedule.

But these muther-phugging pilots were taing the living piss!!!!! the plane was going so fast you could feel it,coupled with the fact that that there was a TREMENDOUS amount of turbulence from some weather systems we flew through,there were tail winds of 180 miles an hour plus whatever else was going on.
But peep this!!!
We got from JFK to Heathrow in 5 hours and 10 mins....................5 hours and 10 phugging minutes!!!...this is NOT normal,even with a quite vigorous tail wind that flight should last at least 6 hours,these ****ers must have thought they were flying Concord!!! I was so angry and my black skin must have turned 10 different shades of green during that flight,it was just all kinds of horrendous.

Having said that,I must give the flight attendants their due,they could see that I was losing it and they did everything they could to comfort me,I mean everything,there was a sister working the flight too and she was particularly nice to me,so I must single her out for mad props.

But I think the reason im so angry is that I think the pilots (possibly??) could have been putting too much strain on that craft 5 hours 10 is not normal,if there are any aviation experts out there who want to school me,id be willing to hear,trust me,coz maybe I need toa different perspective.

Ok,so the second flight from Heathrow to Scotland(im now up here temporarily doing some work)again British Airways...the pilot did warn us that the flight would not be smooth becuase of the winds up there...he wasnt bloody exaggerating! the flight was without a doubt the WORST flight I have EVER,EVER experienced,mercifully it only lasted an hour,there was turbulence batting the plane around like it was a feather,air-pockets that would have made your stomach bleed and more frightening that any ride you could experience at an amusement park and the landing was the stuff of nightmares,I put myself in the brace position just coz we came in so hard,if Satan had flight plans,these would have been they.

Now ,im supposed to fly into London next week,that shit is out!!! im taking the train,I need a good fortnight to recover from this experience,who knows maybe its like childbirth,soon i'll forget the heinosity of it and hop right back on,but for now I dodnt even wanna hear the word plane!

Sounds like fun!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice to have your nutty ass back, Jetty!

Hmmmm... not sure I could handle a plane flight after one bad word woman nearly killed me on the underground.

Guess you're alright though, if the plane falls to pieces mid air you'll still survive if you're quick enough... if the pilot drops dead at the wheel plunging the plane into a metorite like drop burning up as it reaches certain levels of oxegen on the other hand.... wonder if a plane has ever imploded as the pressure in the cabin is released through a breach in the cabin? That would be lame.. would it implode or explode, always get it confused... Remember seeing one video where the roof of the plane came off mid flight, most people survived that one... only a few were torn from their seats and flung thousands of miles into the sky... even then you'd be in such shock you wouldn't be conscious when you land face down in the middle of the M25 still strapped to your seat... driving is more dangerous than flying apparently...

.lol. Hope you were cool, thought you knew British Airways teamed up with Alton towers while you were away someone should have said.

Try landing in Grenada or Tobago where the first piece of land you even see is the tarmac of the runway, you think you're flying into the damn sea lol. Oh and try it on a budget airline with some cheapo pilot who can't land. Mine bounced the plane three times on the landing, dipping the wing on one side dramatically on the ground and skidding. This after a flight with "some minor turbulence" which meant falling and rising sharply every few minutes with that sick tummy feeling and whining engine noise followed by some serious shuddering of the plane to amuse us. My friends and I even looked at each other with big eyes like "is this... it?" lol

See I'm used to flying to Africa which is north to south and going over no bloody oceans with silly weather systems like that. Fugg flying over the damn Atlantic and JB if you thought BA was bad be glad you weren't a cheap ******* like me and didn't go budget.

MUTHA FUGG XL Airlines!!

I dont believe that for a minute!!
You show me any current Virgin Heathrow to JFK route which is 5 hours! and I will eat this laptop,it will be 6 hours at best.

Anyway I flew Virgin once and stopped coz the flight attendants were going on too stoosh,more concerned with their nasty looking make-up than the passengers.

Anyway,no I dont think I was over-reacting not ONE IOTA,thank you very much.

Thank You

I rememebr that flight you're talking about,the roof of the plane was, peeled back like a sardine tin,it was a most surreal sight,I reckon if you were a passenger on board and survived the shock of that you can survive anything.

Lawd Gyad,I couldnt handle that all,my stomach is too weak,plus im too snobby about what planes I fly in,like i'll never get in any of the Russian fleet or fly Air India etc,maybe in a way I have been spoiled by too smooth a ride in the past,maybe what I experienced is the norm.


Maybe this is why people always say "have a good flight"?

or "how was your flight"?

Coz they know the potential for horror,noone ever sez have a nice car ride,even though statistically you're more likely to die that way.

Ok theres difference between a sub 6 flight ,than saying 5 hours from JFK to Heathrow is de riguer,its just not true.Even with tail winds its 5.40 plus at best and as far as I know Richard Branson hasnt put any supersonic technology in his fleet?.

I was speaking to a flight attendant on the Scottish part of my journey,trying to explain to her why I was so green around the gills,even she admitted that 5 hours 10 mins was a bit extra strength,she said the quickest she'd ever experienced was 6.05.

Thats the thing though K,I dont think theres anything quite as scary as being truly scared on a plane,how the hell do you prepare for that death??And its worse if you're travelling on your own and you have noone to comfort you or hold your hand,it truly sucks!!

I think although we all know the stats about car,train VS plane etc,but the BIGGEST difference for me is that once you hop on a plane you surrender all control to ther pilots and auto-pilot,you cant say jack shit,you just have to trust that they know what the phugg they are doing....and this doesnt always sit well with me.

At least with cars,if someone else is driving you can say "slow down pardner" or even if its public transpo like a train or something you can pull emergency breaks etc,you have zero say on a plane.

and I know BA pliots know what the fook they are doing,I mean shit they spend a mill a plane just testing and destroying breaks(what they do is they go through all their normal take-off machinations,building up the speed etc and then break right before they about to lift off,this is to see if they can break in an emergency,I could go on and on and on about what BA pilots have to go through........however that doesnt take away from the fact that yestedays experiences were HELL ON WHEELS