Judge rules that black mothers have to get permission to name their Kids

Black-pride · (#1 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News. It’s not real, but we hope it made you think.

- Web editor

Federal Judge: Enough With the Stupid Names The Peoples News

After Judge Cabrera's historic ruling, little Clitoria Jackson
will likely undergo a name change.

(DETROIT) In a decision that's expected to send shockwaves
through the African-American community-and yet, give much relief to
teachers everywhere-a federal judge ruled today that black women no
longer have independent naming rights for their children. Too many black
children-and many adults-bear names that border on not even being words,
he said.

"I am simply tired of these ridiculous names black women are
giving their children," said U.S. Federal Judge Ryan Cabrera before
rendering his decision. "Someone had to put a stop to it."

The rule applies to all black women, but Cabrera singled out
impoverished mothers.

"They are the worst perpetrators," he said. "They put in
apostrophes where none are needed. They think a 'Q' is a must. There was
a time when Shaniqua and Tawanda were names you dreaded. Now, if you're
a black girl, you hope you get a name as sensible as one of those."

Few stepped forward to defend black women-and black women
themselves seemed relieved.

"It's so hard to keep coming up with something unique," said
Uneeqqi Jenkins, 22, an African-American mother of seven who survives on
public assistance. Her children are named Daryl, Q'Antity, Uhlleejsha,
Cray-Ig, Fellisittee, Tay'Sh'awn and Day'Shawndra.

Beginning in one week, at least three white people must agree
with the name before a black mother can name her child.

"Hopefully we can see a lot more black children with sensible
names like Jake and Connor," Cabrera said.

His ruling stemmed from a lawsuit brought by a 13-year-old girl
whose mother created her name using Incan hieroglyphics.

"She said it would make me stand out," said the girl, whose name
can't be reproduced by The Peoples News' technology. "But it's really
just stupid."

The National Association of Elementary School Teachers
celebrated Cabrera's decision.

"Oh my God, the first day of school you'd be standing there
sweating, looking at the list of names wondering 'How do I pronounce
Q'J'Q'Sha.'?" said Joyce Harmon, NAEST spokeswoman. "Is this even
English?"

The practice of giving black children outlandish names began in
the 1960s, when blacks were getting in touch with their African roots,
said historian Corlione Vest. But even he admits it got out of hand.

"I have a niece who's six. I'm embarrassed to say I can't even
pronounce her name," said Vest, a professor at Princeton University.
"Whenever I want to talk to her, I just wait until she looks at me and
then I wave her over."

Cabrera's ruling exempted black men because so few of them are
actually involved in their children's lives.

"Worry looks around, sorry looks back, Faith looks up."

Kunjufu · (#2 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by Black-pride

After Judge Cabrera's historic ruling, little Clitoria Jackson
will likely undergo a name change.

(DETROIT) In a decision that's expected to send shockwaves
through the African-American community-and yet, give much relief to
teachers everywhere-a federal judge ruled today that black women no
longer have independent naming rights for their children. Too many black
children-and many adults-bear names that border on not even being words,
he said.

"I am simply tired of these ridiculous names black women are
giving their children," said U.S. Federal Judge Ryan Cabrera before
rendering his decision. "Someone had to put a stop to it."

The rule applies to all black women, but Cabrera singled out
impoverished mothers.

"They are the worst perpetrators," he said. "They put in
apostrophes where none are needed. They think a 'Q' is a must. There was
a time when Shaniqua and Tawanda were names you dreaded. Now, if you're
a black girl, you hope you get a name as sensible as one of those."

Few stepped forward to defend black women-and black women
themselves seemed relieved.

"It's so hard to keep coming up with something unique," said
Uneeqqi Jenkins, 22, an African-American mother of seven who survives on
public assistance. Her children are named Daryl, Q'Antity, Uhlleejsha,
Cray-Ig, Fellisittee, Tay'Sh'awn and Day'Shawndra.

Beginning in one week, at least three white people must agree
with the name before a black mother can name her child.

"Hopefully we can see a lot more black children with sensible
names like Jake and Connor," Cabrera said.

His ruling stemmed from a lawsuit brought by a 13-year-old girl
whose mother created her name using Incan hieroglyphics.

"She said it would make me stand out," said the girl, whose name
can't be reproduced by The Peoples News' technology. "But it's really
just stupid."

The National Association of Elementary School Teachers
celebrated Cabrera's decision.

"Oh my God, the first day of school you'd be standing there
sweating, looking at the list of names wondering 'How do I pronounce
Q'J'Q'Sha.'?" said Joyce Harmon, NAEST spokeswoman. "Is this even
English?"

The practice of giving black children outlandish names began in
the 1960s, when blacks were getting in touch with their African roots,
said historian Corlione Vest. But even he admits it got out of hand.

"I have a niece who's six. I'm embarrassed to say I can't even
pronounce her name," said Vest, a professor at Princeton University.
"Whenever I want to talk to her, I just wait until she looks at me and
then I wave her over."

Cabrera's ruling exempted black men because so few of them are
actually involved in their children's lives.

"Worry looks around, sorry looks back, Faith looks up."

Sorry but this story is fiction of the highest order....utter bullshit don't believe a word of it...

Femergy · (#3 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by Black-pride

Federal Judge: Enough With the Stupid Names The Peoples News

Cabrera's ruling exempted black men because so few of them are
actually involved in their children's lives. ."

WTF, i don't usually use Latin but this is the pits even if satirical !!!!

jett Black · (#4 (**permalink**))

Yes it is fictonal and satirical.

But lest we forget AA's are not the only ones guilty of this crime,there are plenty of white girls out there named Tapioca and Brandene and so forth...these names also grate.

CashMoney · (#5 (**permalink**))

started off well but for satire there are too many unneccesary digs in there

adrianerik · (#6 (**permalink**))

While I'm here: for those of you over on the other side: one of the mistakes that many of these "urban myths" type of posts make is forgetting that the United States has a very, very, very republican form of government with a strong emphasis on "States rights". (republican as in form of government, not political party). So, almost anything that says that the FEDERAL Government is restricting some behaviour that is the domain of the states should be taken with a grain of salt. Heck, there is a major debate going on over the right of the federal government to order a national drivers license. (in America, there are 51 states & Washington D.C) that have their own requirements to secure a driving license. The ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union) would have had a field day over this type of legislation. The United States, if anything, is a very, very Libertarian society. Individual rights. This is one if the few countries where the swakista can be paraded down the street.

Besides, regarding names, they do name white kids "Peter". My goodness....Peter!

DtotheJ · (#7 (**permalink**))

presidential candidate is named Barack Hussein Obama, in a dumbed down post 911 America....

and even if he loses he has a law degree

please stop going overboard in this pre occupation with new age or ghetto names...

worry about you and your own kids

Black-pride · (#8 (**permalink**))

The writer of de article probably watched loads of episodes of maury/ricki lake/jerry...

Oblivion · (#9 (**permalink**))

Made me chuckle - needs to be taken with a shovel of salt though.

Melissa · (#10 (**permalink**))

In the US does any name that doesn't sound white = ghetto?

I have read many cases where Barack Obama has been ridiculed for his name in the US, mosty recently by DMX, ( I know he is a crack head and and not to be taken notice of but still), without even knowing its origins you can kinda tell it has some meaning behind and is not 'made up' like other ghetto names. So why the jokes?

Barack is african/arabic depending on who you listen to and means blessed

Hussein means good i believe, what better name to give a male child?

MzTeacher · (#11 (**permalink**))

alot of black american women here, who name their children "those' types of names are considered to be uneducated and wanting to be different by naming their children what they want because they want their child to be unique. i guess because most of the names are hard to pronounce and may not appear to have any real meaning to them, most people get frustrated with them.

when the mother comes into open house, at school, they see what type of mother she is and the mothers seem to fit the description of an uneducated young mother.(according to many).

there are pplenty of jokes that the child would never get a job or amount to nothing because the name, alone, will condemn them.

DtotheJ · (#12 (**permalink**))

melissa

besides the history of racism and slavery...the US is NOT on the metric system, & doesn't follow soccer......do you get where I'm heading

I gotta laugh when outsiders think that over here that people care about meanings of names.....

William, Steve, Micheal don't know the meaning of THEIR names......why would they care the meaning of yours.....they just know that they have "acceptable" names......anything that falls out of that range is a strange name....

whether it's an old name or a new name... so the argument about employment for ghetto names applies to "authentic ethnic names"